On sobering adult lessons

Leo
3 min readMay 19, 2023

For those who’ve followed me for a second, you would know that I’ve struggled to hold a long-term full-time job since I graduated from university.

(Fking hell I graduated from uni in Dec 2018, I really am a living statistic where uni melb arts graduates take about four years on average to find a stable full-time job…)

And (honestly) to no one’s surprise — I passed my probation at my current company.

With some sense of job security, I can finally, for the first time in my life, consider pay raises and promotions. This is the first time I’ve ever found myself in this position, and honestly, I’ve no idea on how to go about it.

What is a reasonable amount of time to ask for a pay raise? What are the actionables I’ve to seriously consider to prove my worth to justify future promotions?

I feel like I’m going through puberty again — work puberty.

Perhaps because I’ve passed probation, my brain and perception are finally feeling the effects of drinking the cool aid. Don’t get me wrong, I am of the full understanding that no workplace is perfect, but the security of confirmation has finally allowed me to acknowledge the fallacies of my workplace.

But so far, my observations are merely based on vibes and do not affect my BAUs. I love my job, culture and colleagues — I genuinely think that this is probably the best it’s going to get in terms of having the privilege to chase my passion of being a copywriter in a safe, friendly and nurturing space.

I’m so excited to see how I can grow both personally and professionally with the crazy amount of support I receive from my workplace.

But alas, being the depressed person that I am, my brain's chemical imbalance constantly reminds me of my faults (?).

Am I actually good at my job? Am I consistent? Am I adding value? Am I professional enough? Am I behaving appropriately in my workplace?

Questions that can only be answered through time and therapy.

Right now, I know that I have to work on past workplace trauma projections, and being more confident of my capabilities as a writer.

Deep down, I know that I'm a good writer that actually can contribute productively to my workplace — but recognising that and putting that into practice is a whole different ordeal.

(Also lmao I had a jam session with my new CD once and thought to myself — fuck, I have ways to go in terms of creativity when it comes to ad copy. Another mountain that I’m not afraid to climb but honestly kinda dreading the journey. Akin to when I first went through the growing pains of long-form writing.)

For now, I seek comfort in the fact that I can communicate my ideas and thoughts clearly into words and that with time I’m getting better at understanding the nuances of my work which can only lead to more learnings and bettering my copy.

Is this a transitionary period of my life? Or are these privileged thoughts that I can finally explore because (for once in my life) a part of my life is finally stabilised?

I’m excited to see where my current journey takes me. In the meantime, I will try my best to stay curious, focused and productive.

I hope you’re well and not too stressed by life.

Stay kind, self-aware and curious my friends. Till next time ❤

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Leo

Way too curious for my own good, a baby nihilist and writer of sorts.